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Why you should log out of Facebook chat!

I love a good facebook chat as much as the next guy, but when ol’ Kelly Wilson from “Miami FL” contacted me, I had one of the funnest conversations of my life. Below is the full conversation, unabridged and totally true!

Kelly

Hello

How are you doing there ?

15:36Me

lekker you?

15:37Kelly

I am fine

where are you from ?

15:37Me

JHB

you?

15:37Kelly

that is south africa

I am from Miami FL

15:38Me

oh right

yeah

15:38Kelly

But now in Nigeria to complete my education which is almost done

15:38Me

oh ok

nice

I was in Miami last year

it’s cool

15:38Kelly

how long have you been on FB ?

Yeah

15:39Me

i dunno like 2 years

15:39Kelly

Cool

why are you on here ?

what are you looking for on FB ?

15:41Me

I’m here to play farmville and pick my nose

15:41Kelly

Hmm

I am here seeking for a long term relationship

15:42Me

with me?

15:42Kelly

Hmm are you not married?

15:42Me

hell yeah

you do all the cooking and cleaning

15:42Kelly

you got kid ?

15:42Me

and milk the cows

15:42Kelly

Yes

15:42Me

and I will watch TV

15:43Kelly

Cool

15:43Me

great

you don’t mind having 8 children then?

15:43Kelly

Hmm i don`t know

15:44Me

well my wife must bare children

8 of them

all named steve

even if they’re girls

15:44Kelly

Hmm that is great

well what do you do for a living ?

15:44Me

so do you agree to the 8 children

?

we need to get this straight

15:44Kelly

well we will see and we just need to know each other better

Yes

15:45Me

but you’re going to need me to put money into your account right

so you can come here

15:45Kelly

why did you say that ?

15:46Me

how else are you going to fly here?

15:46Kelly

Hmm well i don`t want to rush into any relationship

I need to know you better and see how things work

15:46Me

ok

well you’re going to have to agree to the 8 kids first

15:47Kelly

No problem

what do you do for a living ?

15:47Me

steve, steve, steve, steve, steve,steve, steve and steve

I am a very wealthy investment banker

entrepreneur

15:47Kelly

cool

15:47Me

thanks

I also own a couple of sweat shops

to make the clothing

so we’ll have jobs for the kids sorted

15:48Kelly

Well do you want me to come there?

That is nice

Do you want me to come there ?

15:49Me

it depends how well you cook

and how well you get along with the other wives

15:49Kelly

I think if there is an understanding there is no problem then

15:49Me

mainly Andisiwe and Precious

they’re the possesive ones

15:50Kelly

But why did you want me to come there ?

15:50Me

to be my wife

15:50Kelly

Cool

How can i get there ?

15:50Me

I guess I’ll have to pay for your flight

15:50Kelly

How are you going to do that ?

15:50Me

well

I’ll have to put money in your account

you’re in nigeria right

to study

from the USA

because that makes perfect sense

15:51Kelly

Omo iya

How parol

15:51Me

what?

you’re on parol?

15:52Kelly

Nope

15:52Me

you went to jail

thats so weird I did too!

15:52Kelly

well i don`t have an account here

Is there a western union money transfer there ?

15:52Me

yes

great idea

how much do you need?

15:53Kelly

I don`t know

I don`t know how much it will take to fly there

do you have an idea ?

15:53Me

should I just send you $5000

15:54Kelly

Okay

15:54Me

and we’ll have to start aking children straight away

*making

15:54Kelly

Okay

15:54Me

I have a business to run

15:54Kelly

Okay

when are you going to send it ?

15:54Me

and the other kids are getting old

how about tonight?

15:55Kelly

well what is the time there right now ?

15:55Me

maybe just send me an email with a photo of you and your details

it’s 3:55pm

can you send a photo of yourself in a bikini please

15:55Kelly

Are you going to send it today ?

15:56Me

tonight

after you send me the email

this is so exciting

I’ve been waiting to add another wife to the equation

15:57Kelly

Well I dont have bikini pics i just have an ordinary pics

15:57Me

pity

ok

15:58Kelly

so can you go now and send it ?

15:58Me

do you maybe have any photographs of yourself in a gimp suit?

leather

with a whip?

15:58Kelly

well can i give you my details here ?

15:58Me

ok great!

sounds excellent

because I’m really going to send you $5000

thats what I’m gonna do

15:59Kelly

Or can you come here to see me or i shoul come ?

here is my details

15:59Me

great

15:59Kelly

Name….kelly Wilson

Address …101 Western Drive

State….Lagos

City…..Ikeja

Country….Nigeria

Zip Code ……23401

16:00Me

excellent!

16:00Kelly

that is the details

when are you going to send it ?

16:00Me

tonight

so you’re going to send me an email after that

of you in a gimp suit

16:01Kelly

Yes

16:01Me

ok cool

16:01Kelly

If i get the money i will send you everything and give you the flight details

16:01Me

let me just go send this money order of $5000 to an address in Nigeria…

and then you can send me the pic of you in a gimp suit

16:01Kelly

Nope

You will need to send it in cash

16:02Me

oh

even better

ok great

why didn’t I think of that

you’re going to make such a clever wife

16:02Kelly

go now and send it

Yes

16:02Me

I might even let you out the house once a month

16:03Kelly

go and send it now so that i can get my flight board

16:03Me

if you wear a bikni

ok

easy baby

16:03Kelly

Okay

16:03Me

I just want to flirt for a while

16:03Kelly

How am i going to get the details here baby ?

16:03Me

I don’t know baby

what details do you mean?

16:03Kelly

Can you email it to me on FB here

16:03Me

ok

cool

16:04Kelly

I mean the details you going to get from WESTERN UNION

16:04Me

I’ll go to western Union NOW

and then email it to you here on fb

16:04Kelly

Okay

16:04Me

ok

I can’t WAIT to meet you!

16:04Kelly

Okay go now i will be waiting

I can`t wait also baby

16:04Me

I LOVE YOU!

16:05Kelly

I love you too

16:05Me

byeeee

16:05Kelly

Okay how many hours are you going to get back ?

16:05Me

2 Hours

16:05Kelly

Okay

16:05Me

LOVE YOU MORE

16:05Kelly

love you too

bye

————————————-

So this just goes to prove that these scammers are actually pretty stupid. This is what “Kelly Wilson” Looks like…

If you wanna go abuse ‘her’ (it) on facebook, you can find her profile HERE.

Oh and don’t accept randoms on Facebook, unless you’re stoopid like me, and if you do… make sure you make fun of them and post it on your blog.

Follow my ass.

House Society

House Society is a brand new concept from my boy, Doctor Stone and his bag of misfits at Rendezvous and Icebreaker Social Sessions. Sounds like loads of fun, heated pool, girls in bikini’s etc. Blacksheep are on main set, main stage… which I believe is gonna be a stomping tech house set from 11-1am. Cool artwork too. I think you should be there, you have to sign up on facebook to get the venue details.

Follow my ass.